I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
