do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
