now i know why i became what i already was.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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