Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
