I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
