If that was your dad, he is hot
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
