What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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