It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
