Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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