and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
