in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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