I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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