You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
