the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
