I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
