we're blogging at a bar
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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