Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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