I want you more than these girls want KFC
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
