I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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