oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I could fuck to npr.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
