You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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