im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
