Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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