She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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