Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
