just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
