8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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