I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
