We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
