Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
