I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
