How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
