Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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