Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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