You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
