He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize