Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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