She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we're making bets on your personal life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
