legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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