Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
