I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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