are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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