Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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