i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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