He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
