I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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