where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think my mom watched the whole time
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You are the jesus of drinking
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
