I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
