So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Boobs speak an international language.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
