I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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