just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
