they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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