I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
