70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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