omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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