So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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