Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
