i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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