she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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