he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
