Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If that was your dad, he is hot
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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