Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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