We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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