apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
