I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he thought i was a dude.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
