Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
