This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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