explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
