Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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