I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
