i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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