So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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