If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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