be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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