dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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