I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
